then love (august 2010)

my faith is a small faith
my belief, tiny
my hope, hopeless
my body, dust

my voice is a small voice
my heart, frail
my time, fleeting
my soul, questionable

I only know a few things
a small number of facts
which seem constantly whittled
broken, relative, one-by-one

and I look for meaning
in a world seemingly meaningless
devoid of point or direction
purged of all permanence

and so I question why
why ought I to laugh
why ought I to smile
why ought I to be?
what a funny thing it is to be
how strange to be formed from clay
and to have life breathed in
how strange to be a pulverized star
set into the motion of seeing itself

and each question unravels an answer
and each answer poses another question
until I lie
alone
unknown
meaningless
adrift in the liquid chaos of thought

even as I lie in despair
infused with existential angst
I remember things I've been told to forget
and come to learn for the first time
that which I already know

a word
out of time, out of space
utterly transcendental
obliterating the oblivion I'm told to live in
vaporizing the untamed wilds of the mind
making everything have a place
fearless in the face of the unknown
Important, with a capital i
Meaningful, with a capital m
a Real Thing, all magiscule
so tiny,
perfectly imperfect
a voice in the wilderness
to love

transitive, intransitive
a verb, noun
preposition, compound
subjunctive, indicative
declined and indeclinable
conjugated and infinitive
infinite and temporary
me and you and everything in between
above, below and in any impossible way
defying all things
outside of all things
inherent to all things
beautiful and heartbreaking
love
love
love
until I can't anymore
then love