faith (february 2011)

God.
for lack of a better word,
and that's a funny concept
not a word fitting for the Word
but when it comes down to it
I don't know a lot about it-
you?-
because whenever I go looking
I can't find you anywhere
but when I turn my head away
closing my eyes in resigned frustration
there you are
seen ever so briefly-
because when I feel out
and find this fragile world
to be ephemeral
I fall back into the mist
and I'm caught-
because when I speak
and ask questions over
and over
and hear nothing back
nothing. nada.
I surrender myself to
'hear you in the silence of my heart'
and still get nothing
when all of a sudden
you're speaking through my pen-
and even though
I don't claim to be looking for answers
I tell a lie
but I've come to know
that when given a binary 0 - 1
you always take 2
and though I know it is foolish
to anthropomorphize you
I always have to remind myself
that the god I don't believe in
is different from the One that I do
and that
for the fractional moment
when the universe cracked open
that repeats second by atom-smashing second
I could see
that nothing I ever believed was true
and that you were always telling me that:
the Most Beautiful thing in the world
a word
your name.