fiat lux (january 2011)

you creep and emerge
silent beyond a far hill
and I am breathless
to every second of your surprise
your slow unravelling
and scattering of photons

and this happening
at over a thousand miles an hour
conspires with the speed of light
to be a monument to alacrity
but from my window
it is only a slow creaking
the subtle breaking open
of a hidden pearl beyond my furthest sight

you and I are locked in a perpetual moment
a gradual processing
and for a brief eternity
I can imagine that moment in Genesis
took ten thousand thousand years
and this secret fire was shared
drop by drop
with the young eyes of the universe
and each flake of that fire
gently released into the deep darkness
sung out from one to another
fiat lux!
fiat lux!
as they collided into that first dawn

then love (august 2010)

my faith is a small faith
my belief, tiny
my hope, hopeless
my body, dust

my voice is a small voice
my heart, frail
my time, fleeting
my soul, questionable

I only know a few things
a small number of facts
which seem constantly whittled
broken, relative, one-by-one

and I look for meaning
in a world seemingly meaningless
devoid of point or direction
purged of all permanence

and so I question why
why ought I to laugh
why ought I to smile
why ought I to be?
what a funny thing it is to be
how strange to be formed from clay
and to have life breathed in
how strange to be a pulverized star
set into the motion of seeing itself

and each question unravels an answer
and each answer poses another question
until I lie
alone
unknown
meaningless
adrift in the liquid chaos of thought

even as I lie in despair
infused with existential angst
I remember things I've been told to forget
and come to learn for the first time
that which I already know

a word
out of time, out of space
utterly transcendental
obliterating the oblivion I'm told to live in
vaporizing the untamed wilds of the mind
making everything have a place
fearless in the face of the unknown
Important, with a capital i
Meaningful, with a capital m
a Real Thing, all magiscule
so tiny,
perfectly imperfect
a voice in the wilderness
to love

transitive, intransitive
a verb, noun
preposition, compound
subjunctive, indicative
declined and indeclinable
conjugated and infinitive
infinite and temporary
me and you and everything in between
above, below and in any impossible way
defying all things
outside of all things
inherent to all things
beautiful and heartbreaking
love
love
love
until I can't anymore
then love

‘a song like your name’ (march 2010)

I'll call you up when
you're here again
when the stars are in
their perfect place

I'll call you up when
I meet a friend
that reminds me
of a look on your face

with towers, lines
grass fields, blackflies
slowly sinking down
breathing water in
weathering
remembering
and forgetting
this time

fly

you're a ghost who
I'm always speaking to
a ragged clash of skin
holding your bones

it's a hard time
to think back - rewind, rewind
to a time when
your ghost had a name

like a lullaby
sung to a greying sky
to the poisons and sirens
in the spring
to the broken bones
and the empty homes
the forgotten
and the strange
to the dying
to the dead
to the living
to the upset
and least of all
to me

your name
to sing
a song like your name
to be near you
again

‘birdsong’ (november 2009)

it was a girl-
with words he hung back
pensive
waiting to see
what moves were being made

she could defeat him with silence
play Cordelia to his maddening Lear
while unrealizing
that silence was to this magpie mind
a condemnation
the damning with faintest praise

'lovesong' (november 2009)

he fell at her knees
remote, exhausted
spent
felt himself old
a dry heart and head
cooling
but warm in her embrace
her skin singing

a murmur, the feeling
of skin tightening
a rustle of skin
as arms wrap tighter.
he felt himself heavy
a condensation on her
but
she remains resilient
and her nose meets his neck
while his heart resumes its common time

the silence following breaks
is halted
by the flick of hairs
and the bubble of evaporation
her teeth click
as his fingers trace the ridges of her spine
thrumming out a familiar rhythm

he would ask for music
if her body weren't singing

'a failure' (october 2009)

my love how I can't wait
to fail you
to fall blistering into
a raft of melodies
and ride a refrain for the rest of my days
to let my heart be made known
and let my feeble waiting voice
sing soft under your spell
to break down and sink deep
and drown in the ink of your eyes
to do this all
unscripted, unanticipated
when you least need it the most
to say your name
a chorus of wind and rain

'history' (october 2009)

under the weight of binary code
I can feel your presence
my secret
made known
in the smell of wood smoke
stinging the wet winter air

and each portal is a portent
I can see my history briefly paused at
and reified
in the clutch of symbols and syntax

under the weight of your arms
I can feel your presence
our secret
made known
in whispers and stirrings
straining the sheets and pillows

and each sigh is a symphony
I can feel my history lifting
and evaporating
in the clutch of your hands and eyes