then love (august 2010)

my faith is a small faith
my belief, tiny
my hope, hopeless
my body, dust

my voice is a small voice
my heart, frail
my time, fleeting
my soul, questionable

I only know a few things
a small number of facts
which seem constantly whittled
broken, relative, one-by-one

and I look for meaning
in a world seemingly meaningless
devoid of point or direction
purged of all permanence

and so I question why
why ought I to laugh
why ought I to smile
why ought I to be?
what a funny thing it is to be
how strange to be formed from clay
and to have life breathed in
how strange to be a pulverized star
set into the motion of seeing itself

and each question unravels an answer
and each answer poses another question
until I lie
alone
unknown
meaningless
adrift in the liquid chaos of thought

even as I lie in despair
infused with existential angst
I remember things I've been told to forget
and come to learn for the first time
that which I already know

a word
out of time, out of space
utterly transcendental
obliterating the oblivion I'm told to live in
vaporizing the untamed wilds of the mind
making everything have a place
fearless in the face of the unknown
Important, with a capital i
Meaningful, with a capital m
a Real Thing, all magiscule
so tiny,
perfectly imperfect
a voice in the wilderness
to love

transitive, intransitive
a verb, noun
preposition, compound
subjunctive, indicative
declined and indeclinable
conjugated and infinitive
infinite and temporary
me and you and everything in between
above, below and in any impossible way
defying all things
outside of all things
inherent to all things
beautiful and heartbreaking
love
love
love
until I can't anymore
then love

‘a song like your name’ (march 2010)

I'll call you up when
you're here again
when the stars are in
their perfect place

I'll call you up when
I meet a friend
that reminds me
of a look on your face

with towers, lines
grass fields, blackflies
slowly sinking down
breathing water in
weathering
remembering
and forgetting
this time

fly

you're a ghost who
I'm always speaking to
a ragged clash of skin
holding your bones

it's a hard time
to think back - rewind, rewind
to a time when
your ghost had a name

like a lullaby
sung to a greying sky
to the poisons and sirens
in the spring
to the broken bones
and the empty homes
the forgotten
and the strange
to the dying
to the dead
to the living
to the upset
and least of all
to me

your name
to sing
a song like your name
to be near you
again